I Almost Left The Best Man I've Ever Known Because I Couldn't Feel Him During Sex
Turns out I was blaming the wrong thing for years
Thursday, May 22
By: Rachel Torres
I need to get something off my chest that I've never said out loud to anyone except my doctor.
For years I thought something was wrong with my marriage. Specifically with our sex life.
I loved my husband. I still do. He's the best man I've ever been with. But when it came to sex I felt almost nothing. And I blamed him for it silently for years.
This is the story of how I almost destroyed the best thing in my life over something that was never his fault.
When we first got together everything else was perfect. He was kind, handsome, loyal, had a good job. The type of man you pray for.
But the first time we had sex something felt off. I didn't say anything because I thought maybe it was nerves. Maybe it would get better once we got more comfortable with each other. It didn't.
Every time he was inside me I felt almost nothing. Like he was there but not really there. It would start at a 2 out of 10 and stay at a 2 no matter what we tried.
I started suggesting different positions thinking the angle would fix it. It didn't. I put pillows underneath me like the internet said. I tried being on top so I could control the depth. But nothing worked.
Meanwhile he's sweating and trying his hardest and I'm laying there mentally somewhere else because there's nothing to stay present for.
So I started faking it. Because the alternative was telling the man I love that I can't feel him inside me. And I wasn't ready to watch his confidence shatter over something I didn't even understand yet.
I told myself it would get better with time, but it never did. So I started looking for answers.
I tried kegels for 6 months. Every day, religiously. Everyone online said it would tighten things up and increase sensation. It didn't change a thing.
I tried arousal gels and warming lubes. The tingle lasted 30 seconds and then nothing.
I bought a vibrator thinking maybe if I got myself warmed up first I'd feel him more after. It worked for me alone. The second he was inside me my body went right back to zero.
Every article I read said the same things. Communicate more, try foreplay, be more present, light candles. As if a candle was going to make me feel my husband inside me.
Nothing worked. And the longer it went on the more I started to believe the one thing I didn't want to believe.
That it was his size. That he just wasn't big enough. That I married a man my body would never fully feel.
I started pulling away and avoiding sex completely. Making excuses every night. He could feel me slipping and his confidence disappeared a little more each week. I was destroying him and I couldn't stop it because I thought the problem was permanent.
I was one honest conversation away from telling him the truth. That maybe we just aren't physically compatible.
Thank God I didn't. Because I was wrong about all of it.
I finally broke down at my gynecologist's office. I told her everything. That I couldn't feel my husband. That I was about to tell him we weren't compatible. She asked me one question that changed everything: "Has anyone ever checked your blood flow?"
She explained it to me like this.
My vagina has thousands of nerve endings inside it. When blood flow is reaching them I feel every touch and every inch of whatever is inside me. That's when sex feels amazing.
When blood flow slows down, which happens to almost every woman at some point. Those nerve endings go to sleep. They're still there but they just stop receiving what they need to feel anything.
She said it's like the volume on my sensitivity got turned all the way down. At a 2 out of 10 it doesn't matter what size he is. I'm barely going to feel it. At a 10 out of 10 I'd feel every single inch of him.
That's why the vibrator worked. It brute forces one spot with so much intensity it bypasses the problem. But penetration can't do that. Penetration needs those nerve endings awake and receiving blood flow to register sensation.
I sat there staring at her. Years of blaming his size and the answer was blood flow the entire time.
Then she told me about something that was fixing this for thousands of women.
She prescribed me a gummy called Spicy Cubes. She said thousands of women were already using it and calling it Viagra for women.
I was skeptical. I'd already tried lubes, kegels, vibrators. Nothing worked. But she explained how this was different from everything else.
Spicy Cubes contains 4 natural ingredients that each do something specific:
Horny Goat Weed — this is the main one. It floods blood flow back to the vaginal nerve endings so every nerve that went to sleep wakes up. She said this is what takes sensitivity from a 2 to a 10.
Muira Puama — restores the desire. She said most women who take this go from avoiding sex to being the one who starts it.
Maca Root — gives you the energy and stamina to actually keep going.
Chili Pepper —triggers endorphins the second you chew it. The same chemicals your brain releases during orgasm.
Every other product I tried was a bandaid. She told me Spicy Cubes was the only thing that fixes the actual root cause.
I took two gummies after dinner that night. I didn't tell him what it was. I just chewed it and waited.
Within 30 minutes I felt something I hadn't felt in years. A warmth spreading between my legs.
He reached for me that night and for the first time I didn't make an excuse. I pulled him closer.
When he was inside me I gasped. He stopped and looked at me because in all our years together he had never heard that sound from me.
I could feel every movement. Every inch of him. Things I'd been numb to for years were suddenly electric. I couldn't control the sounds coming out of me because for the first time they weren't rehearsed.
He asked me what was different. I just said "I can feel you." His face almost broke me. Like he'd been waiting years to hear that and didn't know it until I said it.
That was 3 months ago. We've had more sex since then than in the previous 2 years combined. I initiate now and the vibrator hasn't left my nightstand drawer since.
I almost gave up on us. I almost told the best man I've ever known that his body wasn't enough for me.
If your body has been shutting you out the way mine did, don't make the same mistake I almost made. Give this a try before you say something you can't take back.
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I thought I was the only one. I wasn't even close.